how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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