and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
