Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
