This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
