Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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