drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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