three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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