suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
