the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
