I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
