you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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