I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
