When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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