After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
