she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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