she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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