Having a random hookup so left but love u
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
