I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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