U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
