Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
