He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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