Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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