I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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