You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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