I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
