There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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