We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
