He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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