First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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