What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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