Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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