What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
