we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Houston, we have a blender
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
