I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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