this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
