is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
