it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My feet surprised me
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