Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
