you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
