this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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