If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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