Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
