tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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