Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What a dumb baby whore.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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