There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You can't special order awesome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
