he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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