i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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