We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
