I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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