just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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