You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
