so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize