OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
