**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
