there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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