remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
