i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
