You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize