I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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