She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
