woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
