I just saw a hot homeless man
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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