just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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