the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
