I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
