I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
